Thursday, August 18, 2016
I started this year talking about balance, and that my intention for 2016 was to find more of my own, do more of what mattered to me and take responsibility for my own happiness. So, as we pass midway through the year and get into the later months, it felt like about the right time to check in with a biggie - my goal to feel the strongest and healthiest I've felt. Ever.
WHERE I WAS
As I mentioned in my last update, I started seeing a personal trainer at my gym at work and, for a while, felt like big progress was happening. I had a holiday in Dubai coming up, something to focus on and work towards, and when you're starting at 0 any progress feels massive. I did feel a lot stronger, a lot more fit, and happier - it was a noticeable difference.
And then, the inevitable happened. I didn't reach an unrealistic goal 'size' I set myself, went on holiday, got a bit demotivated, and kind of lost the edge and determination I had before going. I was checking out of workouts halfway through, cancelling appointments with my trainer, using any excuse to write off a day, or half a week. It sounds awful, but it's true, and my lifestyle at home didn't help. It's not an easy reality to admit, but unless your partner/who you share a home with is on board with you making big changes, it's going to be exponentially more difficult.
WHERE I AM NOW
So I find myself writing to you now from a place where I set myself back a little, but I'm picking up and starting again. I lost a little progress in terms of strength and core strength particularly, and yeah - that's frustrating. But working with Magda I've changed my focus slightly, we're working hard together on one main muscle group which should support everything else I'm doing. I'm noticing big changes, both visually and in my strength and range of movement.
I also must confess - I FUCKING hate cardio. Cardio is the devil. It's so boring, repetitive, I don't feel like I'm progressing and it's always uncomfortable - I so wish I could be one of those girls that love running and wake up for a morning sprint but that is not me. I am not that girl!
This, coupled with my deep love for anything involving chocolate and carbohydrates, makes progress really difficult. I can feel as focused as an athlete, but one bad day or change of mood can set me back - and what it boils down to is discipline. I set off getting a personal trainer, I did what she told me to, ticked the boxes, but I didn't do the work internally first. I'm not talking about loving yourself (of course this is important), I'm talking about loving the process. You have to fall in love with rigidity, to some extent.
When I started this I wanted to work out because I wanted to be able to eat what I want and enjoy my life, but the game has changed a little for me now. I feel stronger, happier, and healthier - I feel muscles working that I know have never worked so hard in my whole life. But to truly reach the point that was my goal? I was going to have to take this wish seriously. It's time to pony up.
I don't really know completely how I move ahead with this in a balanced way - yes I want to go harder on this goal, but I also don't want to get obsessive. So I thought I'd reach out to you - please tell me about your successes, your failures, anything that really worked for you - I'd love to hear about anything that works, from motivation to actual workouts. Hopefully I'll be able to check back in with positive news and some inspiration of my own for you guys.