Oh, where to even start.

To say that this year has been a mindfuck is officially an understatement - since last we met, it feels as though we've buried down from rock bottom and are now discovering layers of hellishness that we didn't even think possible. Personally, professionally, socially - in every aspect of my life, I feel as though everything I held dear and believed in and treasured has been turned upside down. Waking up last Wednesday to another Brexit-style feeling of complete disbelief and horror (only escalated by a hundred), I felt bereft. I could feel panic rising in my chest again at the now familiar sensation of being a part of a world that I feel totally disconnected from.

I didn't often like to give too much attention to politics or my political beliefs. I was raised in a home where I was taught to be polite, respectful of others' views and to protect myself by keeping things to myself. We have always exercised our rights and voted, been conscious of our political rights - but as for debates, campaigning, being actively involved? That wasn't the house I was raised in.

Like too much of my generation, I have been asleep - asleep through endless scrolling of Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, believing that the world and peoples' beliefs were reflected openly and evenly on these very niche representations of white privilege. My nuclear world voted Remain (with only a few quite articulate differences of opinion), supported Hillary Clinton, believed in freedom of speech and a world without discrimination, thought that the Trump rhetoric was damaging and unspeakable, couldn't fathom how he had even become a presidential candidate, let alone... Well. We were asleep. We were all fooled. And we're all here now, shell-shocked.

I cried listening to Hillary's concession speech. I cried for my future daughter, who may or may not ever come to be. I cried for all the women I know that inspire me daily, that would feel their hearts break just like mine was. I cried for women the world over that have suffered at the hands of sexual abuse, whatever form it takes, for rape victims, for women being told now: 'It doesn't matter who you are or what you've been through, men will be forgiven anything.' I cried for Hillary herself, who couldn't have been a more prepared, more diligent, or more hard-working candidate. I cried for last week when I (ignorantly) said: "I'm so happy we'll have our first female president, but isn't it sad that she's almost only winning by default?" I would take a default - I would take anything over this.

My father, an Arab - specifically a Palestinian, forced across the Dead Sea too young by Israeli soldiers who told him and his family that they couldn't live in their home any more - told me: 'The world is not perfect and we have to accept that.' My father the refugee. My father the Arab. My father the Muslim.

Do you mean to tell me that I, a woman of mixed heritage, born of an Arabic father, with Muslim family - that I am worth less in the eyes of the leader of the free world than I was two weeks ago? That one whole half of my big, beautiful, loud family aren't welcome behind some shiny wall?

Not in my lifetime. Not in any lifetime, and NOT in 2016. History has taught us too fucking much and too many have suffered to be pulling this shit now, and I'm not sitting pretty any more. It felt like enough to speak up 'when the time was right' and vote when I was called upon, but it has never been enough. The finish like was actually the starting point. We're further back than we ever thought, and I'm done being polite. I'm done being quiet. I'm done being asleep. So here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to EDUCATE myself. This post by the Man Repeller should be mandatory reading. Yes, as we aren't all citizens of the United States we can't do everything listed but where I can, I will help. Monthly, I will be donating what I can to support the organisations on this list, which will now need our help more than ever.

I'm going to GET INVOLVED. For the first time, I'll be joining a political party - I will be joining the Labour party and putting my support behind Jeremy Corbyn. If social change is going to be affected it starts with getting behind what you believe in, and I believe in electing the leader we choose, not someone who is in the role of Prime Minister by default. If you live in the UK and what to see where your political views place you in terms of which party you're closest aligned to, try taking this test: ISideWith.

I'm done SLEEPWALKING. This blog and what I publish on the internet is going to reflect a lot more of me, my life as a 28 year old woman, and my thoughts and beliefs. If you have a problem with that, I'd suggest now is the time to hit the bricks. This will be a mature space for a mature audience, and will be about celebrating women and everything that makes us women. Content will be varied but please don't expect everything to be sunshine and rainbows. For us all to be our fullest selves we have to really know one another, and I think that starts with me, right here.

So fuck yeah, I'm a nasty woman. I am a nasty woman that supports the equal rights of immigrants and refugees, the equal rights of the LGBTQ+ community, the equal rights of all races, creeds, nationalities, passports, backgrounds. I am a nasty woman that will oppose any move to leave the EU fractured, any move to eradicate the Human Rights Act. I am a nasty woman that will hold up other nasty women and bad-ass bitches the world over. And we all need to be nasty women right now. 

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