The fact that I'm trying to resist singing 'June is bustin' out all over' to begin this post should tell you how much of last month I spent with a musical theatre society.

I've just finished a week at the New Theatre Oxford treading the boards again after a very, very long time. The thing with things you love - truly, deeply love - is they never really leave you. I thought I'd given up performing around 6 years ago - my aunty, who had been my absolute champion and cheerleader, had passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. I had worked professionally on and off and had nothing much to show for it. I was depressed, feeling lost and alone, I wanted more than anything to be happy and to be able to 'move on' - to what, I didn't know. I just wanted to get out of the headspace I was in.

But what I was running from wasn't any place, or circumstance, or badly paid job - it was myself. I was grieving and hurting and lost - more than I ever wanted to admit. I couldn't just make a joke or fake happiness anymore, and as a result I was shutting myself off systematically from the ones I loved. I didn't want to have to admit anything I was feeling to them, so I pushed them far enough away that they wouldn't be able to see me. And I kept up a pretty solid pace of not letting new people into my life, telling myself I had 'enough friends' and 'all I needed'.

2 years back I met a group of people that changed my life, so much for the better. And 5 months ago I made a decision to audition again. The two might seem unrelated, but I know that if it weren't for those people coming into my life and helping me slowly come home to myself, I would never have stepped into that audition room, or come back to that stage. And I guess I'm saying all of this now because more than anything, I want to write about how happy this last week has made me. How full my heart is. How tough it was, keeping a full time job going, keeping my energy up, looking after myself and putting the work in to be a part of this show. The incredible people I met, and the incredible people I have in my life. Most of all, I want to write about how crucial to survival it is to follow your heart. Even when it leads you wrong, and takes you away from yourself for a little while. You'll always find your way home in the end, and you'll come back stronger, different, maybe more able to do what you couldn't before. As we reach the halfway point of this year - my 30th year!!, I am so heartened by everything I have done so far to make myself the happiest I can be. I'm hoping I can keep going this way, and that we're all getting 'there' together.

SEE: I think it'd be hypocritical of me to write such a long piece about coming home to musical theatre and then not recommend something for all of you to enjoy - top of my list at the moment is Mean Girls the Musical (I cannot WAIT for the West End transfer of this!) and Dear Evan Hansen (ditto!).

LISTEN: My whole world changed when I heard This Is America, and it dominated the month of May for me. I'm also really keen on Christina Aguilera's new stuff and Accelerate has me tapping my toes, big time! Hunger is making me want Florence tickets SO bad and James Blake's latest offering is just making me cry (in the best way).

GO: I might've booked a little sneaky getaway for late summer to visit Another.Place in the Lake District and I'm so chuffing excited about the possibility of those views, a relax and a good book and long days of strolling and swimming. Can I go now plz?

EAT: I've got a snack for you this month, because I've recently discovered them thanks to Hannah Gale and nothing has been the same since. These've seen me through many a long rehearsal and work day - so Nakd Blueberry Muffin, this one's for you. Thank you for being so delicious and being one of the few Nakd bars I actually enjoy!

DRINK: I've been on mostly hot lemon and honey teas and water with using my voice so much last month, but with an Ocado shop last month I received a free tester La Vie water and it was pretty damn good! I'll be keeping my eyes open for more flavours.

WEAR: & Other Stories is killing it as per, and this side button pinafore dress is just absolutely killing me. How beautiful would this be for a sunny summer holiday somewhere continental? Brb, daydreaming forever.

READ: I'm on Book Club duty this month, and our assigned book is The Spy Who Came in From the Cold by John Le Carre, who is one of those authors I've always wanted to read, but never actually have. Has anyone read his work? I'm so intrigued to see what he's all about!

THINK: Recharge. As wonderful as the past month has been, I've spent up a lot of energy trying to work on huge projects in my full time job, juggle freelance work, and rehearse for the show at the end of the month. I was running on empty for a little so I'm going to really enjoy having headspace, free time, and lie ins in June before my big birthday month in July!

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